Into the forest I must go, to lose my mind and find my soul. - John Muir
Have you ever heard the term 'confident logic'? Some would say this is a guaranteed cock-block to GUSS (God/Universe/Spirit/Source). Confident logic is that voice that comes in and says ‘Well that doesn’t make sense! Those dots don’t line up...That would be a very illogical next step’. Or, ‘I couldn’t do that, what would people say?’ I secretly wonder how many have had these thoughts about my move to Colorado. I know I have! In some ways, it felt like it happened overnight but in other ways, I’ve been waiting decades to move here.
The first time the mountains started calling me back was in my late 20s. I had only been away from them for a year. I had just ended a serious relationship with my boyfriend while living in North Carolina. Not so coincidentally, it was also around this time that I developed an awareness of the possibility of divine interventions.
My boyfriend and I had met in Lake Tahoe and we decided it was time to grow up and put our adult pants on. We both had biology backgrounds and pharmaceutical sales seemed like the ‘logical’ next step for us. He was from Mississippi and I was from Chicago so we compromised and landed in Charlotte, North Carolina. They were known to have great bands come through and we were near the research triangle, which, for whatever reason felt significant to our adulting at the time.
While living in a little suburb of Charlotte, many things became clear quite quickly. One, I for sure did not want to be a pharmaceutical salesperson. I was not built to be a 9-to-5 girl. I now laugh at the thought of me buying a pinstripe suit. Also, I did not agree with the way that we were using pharmaceuticals so I probably would not have made a very good salesperson for them. Time to pivot.
What could I do quickly that would earn me money while I figured out my next steps? I got a job waitressing and found a massage school where I would learn Neuromuscular Massage Therapy. At the time, I thought this would be a stepping stone to becoming either a chiropractor or acupuncturist. Little did I know it would be my career path for the next 10+ years.
The other thing that became very clear was I did not want to marry my boyfriend. This was actually where some angel intervention apparently was required. I was very committed to the confidently logical path of “I have been with this guy for going on two years, I was in my mid-20s, so, of course, it’s time to get married.” At first, the intervention started as whispers. Frequently, I would imagine having to give back the engagement ring that my boyfriend had planned on giving me. This was significant because his mother had passed away years before from breast cancer. It was her ring that I would have to hand back to him. The thought of this made my heart flinch.
Then, one night, I had this dream. I can still envision it like it was yesterday. My dad was walking me down the aisle. We were linked arm and arm and my dad turned to me and said “Do not do this”. My eyes popped open and I thought- 'Whoa-that was intense and so real'. Though it took me a few more months to leave my boyfriend and North Carolina, once again, it was time to pivot.
I moved back to Chicago near my family, thinking it was a pitstop on my way back west. It was here when the mountains began calling me back but confident logic won this round. Fear and doubt got the best of me and I ended up staying in Chicago, building a massage practice, having my son, and buying a condo. I was officially a very independent city girl, with my mountain girl version nowhere to be seen.
A few years later, I met my husband and again the mountains called. He would be starting residency to become an Internist and we had to select our top places to move to. Colorado was at the top of my list, but in the matching process, Indianapolis was the winning suitor.
It wasn't until 2019, eleven years after moving to Indianapolis did the mountains try one more time to call me back. I connected with a woman who calls herself 'The Accidental Psychic'. That is a whole other story which I will share another time. Anyway, in my reading, she mentioned she saw me living out in Colorado. I was like "Oh my goodness" I was waiting for permission, not just from someone else, but from myself. This was the impetus for some real momentum though I wasn't aware of it yet. I had received marching orders which were going to take a few years to unfold. First, we had to enter into a pandemic.
It’s risky going against confident logic but it can be pretty exhilarating too. Going against the grain, causes disruption which makes people uncomfortable. There may be an audience standing by waiting to say “I told you that that didn’t make sense. What did you think was going to happen?” But I know now from my own direct experience, confident logic isn't where the magic happens. It's all in the sometimes abrupt pivots.
Question: Have you experienced a pivot in life? You thought this one thing was going to happen and then something entirely different unfolded instead? What emotions came up for you? What did this pivot (whether positive or not) lead to?